He won’t expect it back. What are the cat police called? Fly Jokes, Pun Jokes For Kids, Lots Of Jokes, 0%. A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. Why did the police arrest the turkey? Milton Jones (1964 – ) English comedian. One of his characters in Much Ado About Nothing was a Police watchman called Dogberry who was so thick that he used more malapropisms than a late-night Donald Trump Twitter rant. But Officer--Police Officer Jokes| Jokes For The Day, DEA Officer--Police Brutality Jokes| Jokes For The Day, Let's read Police Jokes One Liners about Short Joke Of The Day, Police fun. I thought the side window was down but it was up, as I found when I put my head through it. The man says, "Sorry officer I can't do that. Police Jokes One Liners – 103 total . Why did the coffee call the police? What do police officers do when they are on the volleyball court? Police Officer Goes Up To A Couple Parked At A Lovers Lane ...Welcome to My All-Time Best Jokes. -- Police Officer Jokes -- Police Officer Jokes --Police officer pulls over a speeding car. Comments and questions are welcome at ReplyToBarbara.com the officer asks. Traffic Stop Cop Jokes . Thanks to them, it's easier than ever to memorize one or two quips to fill those awkward silences at your next backyard barbecue. She suddenly saw me, lost her head and we met. 4. Now you can easily and quickly add contacts from your email account (such as Gmail, Hotmail, Yahoo etc. Read more: 105 of the funniest ever jokes and best one-liners “I had a survey done on my house. The man says, "Sorry officer I can't do that. ", he asks. A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Funny car jokes and one-liners sent in by Alan Turnham. Me: I'd like to interview the bartender wearing high heels and a leopard print dress. A police officer pulls over a driver and informs him that he has just won $5,000 in a safety competition, all because he is wearing his seat belt. What is small, has a long tail and works with the police? RECENT TAGS. EXAMPLES FROM BRITISH MILITARY OFFICER’S REPORTS. Time to send in the swat team. I am a hemophiliac. A police officer was patrolling the highway when he sees a guy tied up to a tree, crying. Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don"t be silly, dear -- … Did you hear about the policeman who tried to make love to a bacon slicer? Do I lose when the police officer says papers and I say scissors? KAPPIT . Heisenberg is driving along when he gets pulled over by the police. "What's going on here? What happened when 100 hares got loose on Main Street? If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire; they're trained for that! A: A small medium at large. Enjoy a wide variety of funny Christian jokes, good clean jokes, and family safe jokes and religious humor. A: SHE RIFF Q: What do you call a clairvoyant midget who escaped from prison? The purr-petrator. Why did the police arrest the star? SAVE TO FOLDER. If I do that, I'll bleed to death. The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. Q: Who do you call when Zika infected mosquitoes attack? The chicken farmer died under mysterious circumstances. 3. "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube." The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. I am an asthmatic. Here are some famous one liner jokes that can easily lift your spirits. The next round the wolf showed up at the butchery, he was arrested. Did you hear about the guy who died when an axe fell on him? Luckily, we have this awesome list of police and security guard jokes, sure to bring some smiles back to the overzealous officers out there dealing with the riffraff every day. He comes over and says to me, 'My dog says you have weed in the car.' I am also a diabetic. They serve and protect. If the policemen says "papers" and I say "Scissor" Have I won then? They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile." Looking at the driver he asked, "Sir, do you have a good reason for needing all those large knives?" Funny Police Jokes. He goes up to the guy's window and says "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube." Mexican Word Of The Day Jokes. Let's read Police Jokes One Liners about Short Joke Of The Day, Police fun A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. Funny Policewoman Jokes and Puns. 9647 clean kids jokes, and growing every day! Police officer approaches a woman on the shore, “I’m sorry ma’am, but it’s forbidden to bathe here.” - ... New joke category: One Liners | Geek Jokes | Thanksgiving Jokes. What do you call twin policemen? The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. If I do that I'll have a really bad asthma attack. These hilarious, clever, classic and witty one-liners will give anyone a good laugh! 90 Anti-Jokes So Serious They're Hilarious. Call the Police. Police Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers. The police had to comb the area. Police Humor, Police Jokes, Cop Jokes One Liners, 0%. To return Click Here. What did the police arrest the hospital patient for? To avoid a collision I ran into the other car. Short one line jokes with a military slant ... Military One Liners. A man was pulled over by a police officer... As the officer approached the vehicle he noticed a large number of knives in the back seat. What do you call a cat that was caught by the police? I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample. My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman for Halloween, told me that I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed. Five year old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!". What would you do if I stole a kiss? The guy sobs, "I was driving and picked up a … A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the officer said. Recently undercover police officers were staked outside a bar that was having a rash of incidents in Fort Worth, Texas. Jokes By Kids is now also available as free app. After last call a officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. "Just Fred" the man responds. ), or just manually add the email addresses you'd like to keep in your contact list. email addresses were disqulified from the list and couldn't be sent. How can you tell if you are looking at a police glow worm? There is more law in the end of a policeman’s nightstick than in a decision of the Supreme Court. 1. Instead of manually entering the email addresses you want to send to each and every time, you can now create your own personalized contact list that will be available for you to use any time you want to share one of our posts with your friends and family. it has a blue light. I know what most of you are thinking: Indiana – mafia. My dogs don’t even own bikes. Who doesn’t love some good bad jokes — we do! Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. A police officer notices a car swerving all over the road and proceeds to pursue. Police One-Liners - Funny One-Liners Jokes. ", "I can't do that either. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. The rookie rolled down his window and said, "Let's get off the corner." If I do that I'll have a really bad asthma attack." A police officer just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes. He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube." Police chief: Do you have any leads or suspects for the murder case? Why was it hard for police to catch the tree bandit? The other day I get pulled over by a cop for speeding. Old joke my uncle likes to tell: There’s a policeman hanging around outside a bar near closing time to catch any drunk drivers… As the bar closes for the night, he sees a man come out who looks extremely wasted. They suspected it of fowl play. We hope you will find these policemen nypd puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh. That’s ridiculous. Safety Competition . Q. A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. A: The Police Officer Q: What do you call a female police officer who plays guitar? The police officer got out of his cruiser and approached the car. Give me a good excuse and I'll let you go." Laugh at 37 Funniest Cop Pictures and Jokes. The driver says, "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating. " Soft Jokes. A: He was under cover. St Patricks Day Jokes. Animals Dogs Government Law Police Police dogs. What did the police officer say to the hand? Love You Like Jokes. Please don’t go now. I am originally from Indiana. The claw Enforcement. The officer asks, "Do you know how fast you were going, sir?" After 5 hours sitting in the bar, a man was in no shape to drive, wisely left his car parked and walked home. Cows will never make the police force because they simply refuse to go on steak-outs. A police officer pulls over a speeding car. Okay, so maybe science-themed jokes aren't the world's funniest. What do you call a snake that informs the police? Funny Alcohol Slogans. SAVE TO FOLDER. My friend was killed by a 2 ton sack of falling chickpeas. The man stumbles all over the place, drops his keys, and has trouble finding his car. TRENDING Dog And Cat Diary Joke. Gap Teeth Jokes. In the local police station and saw an officer with three stripes eating a trifle. Most of these cute one liners are from the iconic comedians and others are from random people. His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity. He had them stumped. We hope you will find these policewoman rectangular puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh. "What are you going to do with the prize money?" The elderly driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating." I would not breed from this Officer. https://www.ba-bamail.com/jokes/collection/?collectionid=45 Do you know why diarrhea is hereditary? That’s becuase it was a shooting star. The officer says, " I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir ." This is because he was being tracked by the police for chop lifting. The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. Famous One Liner Jokes. The officer then presses him for the last name to record on the warning. If a robber robs a house under renovation and accidentally leaves his handprint on wet cement. ", See more Clean Police Jokes,  Funny Joke Of The Day with us :), Your name was identical to another account, 10 jokes that will make you laugh out loud, 25 Funny Fifth Grade Jokes to Start The Day, Valentine’s Day Jokes: Pun And One Liners. A call came over the car's radio telling them to disperse some people who were loitering. A: The SWAT team. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. The police told me they'd throw me in jail the next time they caught me stealing board games. 2. The officer approaches the car, seeing an affluent-looking late-50s gentleman behind the wheel and a striking woman at least 20 years younger—and bearing a diamond on her left ring finger worth at least a year of the officer's salary—in the passenger seat. If I do that I'll get really low blood sugar. He was the custardy sergeant. Williams’ Law. "I stopped you because you were going 75 in a 55 zone," the officer says. They suspected it of fowl play. The Irishman pulls over and the cop makes his way to the driver. 80 Hilarious Family Puns About Dear Mother and Father! Always borrow money from a pessimist. A: A bicycle! I was arrested by the grammar police for not using the full stop correctly. The officer stops and approaches the guy. Q: Why was the police officer sleeping on the job? Which dinosaurs were the best policemen? Funny Policemen Jokes and Puns. But if you're a scientist or certified science geek, they can be weirdly entertaining. What did the one fly say to the second? Q: What did the officer give the driver for their 4 th speeding ticket? He leaned down and said, "Listen mister, I've had a really lousy day, and I just want to go home. Yo momma so fat she sat on the corner and the police came and said, "Break it up!". Police were called to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest. Let's read Funny Police Jokes about Joke Of The Day, Police fun . Smiling the driver said, "Why yes, I juggle them." Unfortunately, they’re often lumped in the same category as bad jokes. Threesome Jokes. This man is depriving a village somewhere of its idiot. Yo Mama so stupid she got hit by a cup and told the police she got mugged. In the joke world hierarchy, one-liners are a gem: they’re easy to remember, take no time to tell, and if crafted just right pack a mightier punch than a joke with a longer set up. This week’s puns and one liners are all on the topic of Stripe Jokes… As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… I wonder if zebras appear more slender than they actually are because of how they wear their stripes? KAPPIT . A pedestrian hit me and went under my car. Tricera-cops. A rookie police officer was assigned to ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. The Priest and the Police Officer An Irish priest is driving home from a night at his favorite bar. CASH PRIZES to the Top 10 Jokes every week! Because it runs through your jeans. The Best Yo Mama Jokes Are Also the Kindest Yo Mama Jokes, The Best Yo Mama Jokes Ever Made Of All Time, Top 30 Funniest Yo Mama Jokes Of All Time, Funny Yo Mama So Black Jokes That Are Really Funny, Funniest Yo Mama Southern Jokes That Make You Laugh, The Best Dirty Jokes You Can Tell to Your Kids, List Of Clever Dirty Jokes That Are Funny-Dirty But Funny Jokes, Really Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty--Dirty Jokes That Are Funny, Blind Man Jokes--Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty Short And Humor, Nurse And Patient Jokes--Funny Nurse Jokes Dirty,Short Man Jokes Funny, Beautiful Woman--Funny Doctor Doctor Jokes Dirty Ever, A Police Officer--Police Jokes One Liners| Short Joke Of The Day. Cars are backed up for miles. A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. JokesByKids.com is published by me, Barbara J. Feldman: mom, wife, syndicated columnist, and founder of Surfnetkids.com. A Russian man goes to the secret police and says, “My talking parrot disappeared.”, I called the cops about a murder on my front lawn…. ", "Okay, fine. SAVE TO FOLDER. My wife gets mad at me because I always take things literally. There are some policemen constable jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. The police are calling it an axe-i-dent. Rookie Joke. Else, I would have to go to the police station and report you to the cops. I am an asthmatic. I saw a fruit running from the police recently. You just stole my heart. ", "Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line. "No," Heisenberg replies, "but I know exactly where I am!" My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed. Check out these funny one-liners and best one-liner jokes. ", "I'm sorry officer I can't do that either. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?'. A trisara-cop. Clean Christian jokes, funny jokes, free jokes, and clean one-liner jokes and words of wit and wisdom. Why did the police arrest the turkey? The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir." If the other driver had stopped a few yards behind himself the accident would not have happened. A Police Officer--Police Jokes One Liners| Short Joke Of The Day. Philosoraptor (theme), Police Humor, 0%. Good police officers never miss a beat. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. The man thought for a moment and said, "Three weeks ago, my wife ran off with a police officer. Because it was mugged. In a bakery: Man to the shop assistant: “I’ll have that thing there, please.” Shop assistant: “Cupcake?” Man: “OK, Cupcake, I’ll have that thing there, please.” New category: Shower Thoughts. Finally a police car comes up. There are some policewoman police jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Every so often, the good people of the Ask Reddit community get together and reveal their favorite short joke. I got pulled over by a police officer and his dog sniffs for drugs. What kind of dinosaur works for the police? AJokeADay.com: Where It Pay$ To Be Funny! Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving? "Okay, fine.